


What Do You Mean When You Tell Me You Love Me?

by because-were-family (celestewritesoccasionally), celestewritesoccasionally



Series: Sanders Sides HS AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Established logicality, Every word of this was written after 10pm: i apologize in advance, Fluff, Genderfluid Morality | Patton Sanders, I project far too much onto roman, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Relationship Negotiation, Slow Burn, Slow burn Prinxiety, high school theater au, it gets better in later chapters i promise, it's like the stagehand falls in love with the lead of the play trope: but reversed, proof reading? whats that, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestewritesoccasionally/pseuds/because-were-family, https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestewritesoccasionally/pseuds/celestewritesoccasionally
Summary: Roman and Virgil have been best friends for almost two years now. Roman has had a crush on Virgil for half that time. But how could he tell him when there's so much to lose?Yet another Sanders Sides high school AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Behold! The reason behind my constant sleep deprivation for the past two weeks! Enjoy, I guess? Also, thanks to my friends for being my inspiration and will to live. I love you guys!
> 
> Warnings:  
-Food/drink mention  
-Vague reference to what could be sexual innuendo  
-Swearing  
-Social anxiety  
-Reference to skin stealing (yes, you read that right. also, shout out to my friend Emmett for that idea)  
-Some bickering among siblings, including minor physical altercations, in a joking manner  
-Sympathetic Remus

“I gotta go. Love you all!” Virgil called as he left the school, a habit he had picked up from Patton sometime in freshman year.

_ If only…  _ Roman quickly forced that thought aside as he waved to his friend. Virgil’s feelings toward him were just that. Completely platonic. Roman knew that. He was forcefully reminded of that fact whenever Virgil would talk about how didn’t really want a relationship, whenever he would insist that any gesture of affection was made purely out of friendship.

He knew Virgil was just insecure, not wanting to mislead anyone. It didn’t make it hurt any less when Roman had pulled Virgil out onto the dance floor at prom, only for Virgil to declare what a wonderful concept platonic slow-dancing was. He’d forced a smile, mentally destroying the idea of telling Virgil how he felt that night.

Roman was fine, really. Being friends was enough.

“Roman!” Patton’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Lo and I are gonna go to the coffee shop to study, do you wanna come with?”

“Sure.” Third-wheeling with Patton and Logan was at least marginally better than sticking around and watching his brother’s improv club practice, it usually being an unorganized disaster with far too many dick jokes. Roman grabbed his backpack and followed the two out of the school.

Of course, the sidewalk was only wide enough for two, and Roman was the one to walk awkwardly behind. Not that this was new for him. The couple often invited him on their study trips, possibly because they thought that a third party may make the outings more conducive to actual studying, and less so to flirting and exchanging longing glances. They still ended up doing more talking than actual work, but it was better than spending the hour alone, even if none of them got much work done. 

The trio entered the coffee shop. Roman made a beeline for the corner table, as Logan and Patton went to order. He set his bag down on one of the chairs, and dug around for his wallet. He opened it and did a quick count of the contents. He did, in fact have enough for a coffee. Roman smiled a bit to himself in victory and made his way over to the counter.

They settled around the table, and Logan immediately pulled out his laptop to work, the most responsible of the three.

"Wanna run lines?" Roman asked.

Patton groaned. "I should." He dug around in his bag, eventually pulling out his script. Patton wasn't the most organized person. Not that Roman was any better. "What scene?"

"Which one do you need the most practice with?"

Patton sighed. "All of them."

"Let's start at the top, then." 

Patton fumbled on every other line, but Roman was unendingly patient, and after an hour they had made it through all of Patton's scenes once. Patton was at least slightly more confident about going off book for rehearsal tomorrow.

Then Roman's younger brother entered the coffee shop, and the atmosphere was broken.

Younger brother was a bit of an exaggeration, considering he was only born 15 minutes later than Roman. But maturity wise? He was at least a few years behind.

Remus had all of the adult knowledge of a sixteen year-old, and all the impulse control of a preschooler. 

Basically, anyone who spent significant amounts of time around him matched him in grotesque imagination, or simply tuned him out every time he voiced thoughts that absolutely nobody wanted in their head.

Roman, who had spent the past sixteen years of his life sharing a bedroom with Remus, had become very good at the latter. 

Roman began gathering his things, seeing as neither Logan or Patton got along very well with his twin. Of course, Remus had never quite gotten that memo, and he was making his way over to them.

"I should go." Roman said, standing up to intercept his brother. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Logan nodded, his attention still focused on the screen in front of him.

"Bye! I love you!" Patton elbowed Logan, before leaned over to whisper something in his boyfriend's ear.

"Er-right...I'll uh, see you tomorrow. Thanks for accompanying us."

Roman smiled. Patton was attempting to improve Logan’s social skills, an area in which he had been severely lacking when they met. 

Roman waved as he left, grabbing his brother’s arm and pulling him out onto the sidewalk.

“Hey!” Remus batted his hand away.

“Sorry,” Roman mumbled, but it was clear he didn’t really mean it.

The two began the walk to the bus stop, occasionally shoving into each other’s sides and bickering.

The bus was pulling into the stop while they were still half a block away. The twins shared a look, before breaking into a sprint, neither interested in waiting for another twenty minutes. 

Roman was faster, but they both made it in time, hopping on just before the doors started to close. They found seats near the back of the bus, and settled in. Roman slid into the window seat before Remus could get there, causing a look of anguish from his twin. 

Remus decided to retaliate by squishing his brother into the window with as much force as possible. Roman made a slight 'oof' noise as the air left his lungs. He accepted his fate, refusing to give into his brother's antics.

The two played their usual game, making up stories about the other passengers. Remus's tended to be a bit (a lot) darker; for instance, the woman three rows in front of him, he claimed, had a collection of stolen human skin at home; whereas Roman's were more fantastical, romantic tales.

They lost themselves in their own imaginations and missed their stop. They would go on to spend the walk to their house arguing about exactly who's fault it was.

The house was empty when they arrived, their mom must still be at work. Remus turned on the TV, to some show Roman definitely didn't want to watch, so he retreated to their room.

He collapsed on his bed, exhausted.

Roman was an extrovert only in the loosest sense of the word. He absolutely adored his friends, of course, and he couldn't live without them, but being surrounded by people all day took a lot out of him. 

Yet another reason why he was not ready for a romantic relationship. So why was he even considering telling Virgil how he felt?

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been four months since the last update, I'm sorry. I know this chapter's short, I'm posting the next one in a few minutes, I just thought it worked better if i broke it up.  
Warnings:  
-Kissing  
-Anxiety  
-Bad communication  
-Swearing

It was the day before the school play, and Roman and Virgil were seated on the edge of the stage. Virgil was working on some finishing touches on the illustration for the program, and Roman was keeping him company (being a distraction). Virgil adjusted some setting in the drawing program, stared at it for a good ten seconds, then nodded slightly, before turning the computer screen toward Roman. 

“What do you think?” Virgil asked, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

“It’s amazing.” Roman said in awe, and Virgil smiled a bit. Roman had known Virgil for 3 years, and still had not gotten over how well that boy could draw.

“Wait-” Virgil turned the computer around, and supposedly changed something, but when he showed Roman the image again, Roman couldn’t see any difference. Virgil was a bit of a perfectionist. “There.”

Virgil uploaded the file to the designated google drive folder, before closing his laptop, and setting it to the side. He sighed, leaning back on his hands that he’d placed on the stage behind himself.

_ And, god, he looked cute, _ and before Roman could stop himself, the words slipped from his mouth. "Can I kiss you?"

Virgil froze, and  _ shit, this was it, he'd ruined their friendship _ . Then the corners of Virgil's mouth twitched up into a smile, and before Roman realized what was happening, Virgil's lips were pressed up against his own. Roman leaned into the kiss, reaching his hand up to trace across Virgil's cheek.

Then it was over. Virgil pulled away, quickly putting a few inches of distance in between himself and Roman.

" _ Wow _ ," Roman gasped, breathless.

Virgil began haphazardly shoving things in his bag."I-um-I've gotta go."

"Wait-" Roman started, but Virgil was gone. " _ Shit _ ." He glanced up at Patton, who was doing a terrible job of pretending he hadn't just been staring at them. 

Roman had no idea what to do. "Um, do you think I should go after him?"

Patton shook his head. "I would give him a minute."

Roman sighed, his fingers tapping idly against his thigh. Things were going so well, and he had to mess it all up. He shouldn't have said anything, he should have just let the moment pass.

Roman stood up abruptly, not exactly sure what his intentions were, but sitting still was killing him.

"Want me to go check on him?" Patton asked.

Roman nodded, as he began to pace the aisles of the auditorium, the moment replaying in his head.  _ He was such an idiot, he knew Virgil would freak out, and the day before the show, too? What was he thinking? _

Patton showed up a minute later, disappointingly alone. "He left."

Roman frowned. "What do you mean?"

"He left the school. I checked in with the office and they said he'd signed out for the day."

"Shit."  _ This was a disaster, this was all his fault. _

"Sorry, kiddo." Patton's voice sounded genuinely empathetic, and it almost made Roman feel better, but the implications of Patton's words were sinking in.

The play was tomorrow. He couldn't just  _ leave _ . And if Virgil didn't show up tomorrow? They were screwed.

Then their director entered the room, and it was clear he was pissed. "Anyone care to tell me why our light designer just ditched us?"

Roman stared at the floor, and Patton frowned, before deciding that he should provide some explanation. "He wasn't feeling well, so he went home early." It wasn't technically a lie, at least.

Mr. Picani sighed. "Kai, there should be a copy of the lighting cues around here somewhere. Logan will teach you how the light controls work, just in case we need you to step in tomorrow. Dress rehearsal starts in 20 minutes, so you all need to  _ focus _ ."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat fic style because my brain gave up on writing  
Warnings:  
-Anxiety  
-Bad communication

_ New message to Virgil, May 10, 3:41 pm _

Roman: I’m sorry

_ New message to Logan, May 10, 4:49 pm _

Virgil: are u back from rehearsal yet?

_ New message to Virgil, May 10, 5:24 pm _

R: Virgil?

R: Can we talk?

_ New message to Virgil, May 10, 5:26 pm _

Logan: We just finished.

Virgil: tell me I'm being ridiculous.

L: You're being ridiculous.

V: i didn't even tell you what happened yet.

L: You are particularly prone to cognitive distortions. I figured I would save you the trouble of explaining.

V: ...who told you?

_ Logan is typing... _

L: Patton.

V: oh. i guess i cant threaten him with physical violence. 

L: Have you talked to Roman?

V: ...no

L: Why not?

_ Virgil is typing... _

V: what do i tell him? oh, yeah, i ran out of the room after kissing you, sorry, you probably hate me now, do you still want to be my boyfriend?

L: Is that what you want?

V: i would hope he doesn’t hate me.

L: You know what I mean. Do you want to be his boyfriend?”

V: ...yeah, kinda

L: You should tell him that.

V: HOW?

L: Well, for starters, how many times has he texted you since this afternoon?

V: 4

L: Only four? What did he say?

V: i’m sorry, can we talk, are you okay

L: He clearly wants to speak to you.

V: i guess

L: I assume you haven’t responded to any of them.

V: no.

L: Why don’t you start by texting him back? Just see what he says.

V: alright. Thanks.

L: You’re welcome.

_ New message to Virgil, May 10, 5:37 pm _

R: Are you okay?

  
  


_ New message to Virgil, May 10, 7:50 pm _

R: Just tell me you’re alive? I’m getting worried.

  
  


_ New message to Patton, May 10, 8:02 pm _

R: He’s not responding to me

R: I’ve texted him 5 times since 3 this afternoon, and he hasn’t said a word back

R: I really fucked this up, didn’t I

P: Hey, language!

_ Patton is typing... _

P: But, I’m sure it’ll be fine. You know how he is, he just needs some time.

_ Roman is typing... _

R: Sorry for putting you in the middle of all this.

P: Hey, I’m sure Lo and I did the same when we first got together.

R: I don’t suppose you’ve heard from him?

P: He’d kill me for telling you this, but he’s been texting with Lo all afternoon.

P: So, at least we know he’s still alive.

R: See, now i just know he’s ignoring me on purpose

P: He’ll come around eventually.

_ Roman is typing… _

R: Thanks

P: No prob, kiddo! See you at school tomorrow?

R: Yeah, gn

P: Gn! ILY!

R: Ily2

  
  
  


_ New message to Roman, May 10, 11:33 pm _

Virgil: sorry.

_ Roman is typing... _

R: For what?

V: leaving like that earlier

V: i panicked, and i didn’t know what to do, so i left

V: sorry

R: It’s okay.

V: it’s not

R: I shouldn’t’ve kissed you.

R: I should’ve known you’d freak out.

R: You don’t have to apologize.

R: Virgil?

_ Virgil is typing... _

V: neither do you.

R: ?

V: you don’t have to apologize either...i kind of liked it, actually

V: the kissing, i mean

R: Oh.

R: Do you want to, maybe, do it again sometime? If you want.

V: are you trying to ask me out?

R: Do you want me to?

_ Virgil is typing... _

V: yeah

V: i mean, if you want

V: you don’t have to

V: we can just forget this ever happened

R: Alright. Virgil, do you want to go on a date with me?

V: yes!

V: within reason

V: im not gonna go skydiving with you or anything

R: I’ll keep that in mind

V: how long?

R: ?

V: how long have you wanted to ask me out for?

_ Roman is typing... _

R: A few months

V: why didn’t you?

R: I didn’t want to freak you out, I guess

R: You’re one of my best friends

R: I didn’t want to ruin that

V: you couldn’t

V: i mean, there’s literally nothing you could do to make me stop loving you

_ Roman is typing... _

V: you good?

R: i think you broke my brother -remus

R: wait nevermind, he just said 'give me back my phone, you little shit'

_ Roman is typing… _

R: I apologize for my brother

R: Um...we should probably go to sleep

R: See you at school tomorrow?

V: yeah

R: Gn

_ Roman is typing... _

R: I love you

_ Virgil is typing... _

V: i love you too


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's showtime, babey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an ask blog for this au now, @sanders-sides-hs-au-ask-blog  
Warnings:  
-Logan is harsh when he's nervous  
-stage fright/panicking  
-uhhhh idk, i think that's it

“You did talk to him, right?” Logan demanded, pacing the backstage area.

“Yeah.”

“Then where is he?”

“He’s only five minutes late, I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“Curtain’s in under an hour, that’s not a lot of time!  _ And _ he missed the second half of rehearsal yesterday.”

“Calm down, specs, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“He wasn’t in class today, either.”

Roman gave him a look. “You do realize that you are like the only student in existence who didn’t use the play as an excuse to get out of class?”

“I just...want this to go well”

“It will. Now, why don’t you go find your boyfriend, and I’ll worry about mine?”

Logan sighed heavily. “Yeah.” He walked off.

Roman turned back to applying his makeup, idly listening to a group of freshman chatter excitedly.

Logan rushed back in a moment later. “Roman, where did you see Patton last?”

Roman froze. “In the greenroom, I think.”

Logan cursed. “Well, they’re not there, and they’re not here, and we’re not supposed to leave this area.”

Roman sighed. “Bathroom?”

“Checked there.”

“They prefer the one at the end of the East wing, cause there’s usually fewer people there.”

“But they wouldn’t break the rules for that, I don’t think.”

Roman shrugged. 

“Fine, I’ll go check. You talk to the understudy, just in case.”

Roman stared at him. “Logan, that’s  _ you _ .”

“ _ What _ ?”

“This is a highschool production, we don’t have enough rehearsal time to teach actual understudies, besides, there’s hardly a point just for one performance.”

“Why  _ me _ ?”

“The stage manager’s the only one with the script memorized who doesn’t have another role.”

Logan cursed again. “Okay, fine. I’m gonna go find them.”

Virgil came into the room a moment later. “Hey.”

Roman perked up immediately. “Virgil!”

“Sorry I was late.”

“You’re not _ that _ late. Logan’s pissed, but when isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Where’s Patton?”

Roman shook his head. “I don’t know...hopefully they’ll be here soon.”

Virgil sighed. “Yeah...I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Look, we figured it out, we’re good now.”

Virgil smiled. “Okay, uh, I’m gonna go find Mr. Picani, and then get set up.”

“Okay. See you after the show?”

“Yeah. Break a leg!”

New message to Roman, May 11, 6:12pm

Patton: Ro, how do you deal with this.

Patton is typing

P: Help

P: I’m sorry, i can’t do this

Roman stood up abruptly, heading out of the room and down the empty hallways.

Logan sat with his back to the stall door, talking softly to Patton. He looked up when he heard Roman come in. 

“Hey.” Roman sat next to Logan. “How you doing?” He asked Patton.

Patton took in a shuddering breath.

“I-I can’t.”

“Shh, Pat, it’s gonna be okay, you hear me?”

Patton sobbed.

Logan reached a hand under the stall door. “Can you take some deep breaths for me, Patton? I’m gonna count.”

Pattons hummed.

“In for one, two, three, four, hold for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, out for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.”

Patton opened the stall door a few minutes later, and Logan and Roman both fell backward.

“Hey!” Roman exclaimed, trying to regain his balance and dignity.

“Sorry…”

Logan groaned, but stood up, extending a hand to Patton. “Are you feeling any better?”

Patton held out a hand, shoving it back in their pocket when they realized how much it was shaking. “A-A little.”

Logan frowned. He crossed to the sink, getting a paper towel damp, and laying it across Patton’s neck. “The sensation should help ground you. But…” Logan’s voice softened, “...tell me if anything I try isn’t helping.”

Patton nodded. “Ro, what happened to the auditions being the hardest part?”

“They are for me. But some people are different.”

Patton buried his head in his hands. “Ugh.”

“Yeah...but it does get better once you go onstage. The anticipation is definitely worse.”

Patton nodded.

“What, exactly, are you scared will happen?” Logan asked.

Patton shrugged. “I don’t know, I just...am.”

“Yeah, that happens.” Roman set a hand on his shoulder. “Do you wanna go backstage yet?”

“Do I have to?”

Roman shook his head. “I brought makeup, we can do it here.”

Patton took a shaky breath.

“You can do this. I’m gonna text Virgil, have him tell people not to worry about us.”

Patton nodded.

_ The show must go on. _

Logan held Patton’s hand as they walked back to the dressing room.

The rest of the cast let out a collective sigh of relief when they entered.

“Where were you?” Someone asked.

Roman shook his head, shooting them a very clear,  _ Let’s not talk about this right now _ , glance. “We’re here now, aren’t we?”

Logan gave Patton’s hand a final squeeze. “Fifteen minutes until curtain, everyone!” He rushed off to check on everyone.

Roman set to pacing the dressing room, muttering lines under his breath, and giving encouragement to the younger students as he passed.

All too soon, he heard a hush settle over the crowd, as the house lights went out. He took Patton’s hand, giving them an encouraging smile.

Together, they stepped out onto the stage.

The show went by in a blur, as it always did. There were stumbles, of course there were, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a little bit of improv, and a heavy sigh as soon as they got backstage.

A bittersweet feeling settled into Roman’s chest as he said his last lines, as he joined hands with the rest of the cast, and stepped forward into the blinding lights.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
Please comment, I'll love you forever!


End file.
